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Intimacy is a word we use all the time in regard to being close to our partner(s), but what does it mean and how is true intimacy achieved? Intimacy means a close, familiar loving relationship along with a detailed deep understanding about people, places, or things. A great definition, but how is true intimacy achieved? Why are so many people scared and incapable of intimacy?

You must love yourself first

To achieve intimacy begins with just how intimate we are with ourselves. We must know and accept who we are before we can give that space to another.

The problem is that we have wounds that block and prevent us from developing that true understanding, love, and care for ourselves. We disconnect from ourselves, our feelings and the present reality, leaving us to lead a life stuck in our heads. Mindful techniques and masturbation can truly help in reconnecting with ourselves.

Self-pleasure is the first step towards intimacy with a partner

Masturbation is key because our being ok with self-pleasure opens the door for self love. Guilt and shame block that because if you hate your sexual feelings and use masturbation as way of avoiding those feelings, masturbation becomes void of any intimacy. Used as a way to enjoy your own body and the experience of self-love, care, and connection becomes just like partnered sex.

I tell my clients this is your body, you own your body, and it’s yours and no one else’s. You only get it for a short time so enjoy it. Masturbation is not bad; there is nothing wrong with masturbation, it’s a healthy habit and can be therapeutic.

Security is a key to intimacy

Boundaries, believe it or not, are a key part of intimacy. We need to maintain our security and safety even from our partner. The right to say no allows for a person to feel safe, safety is a catalyst for intimacy. A healthy boundary blocks the entrance of harmful things and allows only what’s life affirming. When you feel safe you become less rigid with your boundaries and allowing for an increase in intimacy.

Want to learn more about find intimacy for yourself and your partner? Contact us today. 

David Fishman

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