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For many couple’s struggling with intimacy and eroticism, technology can be a tool to help guide and build those aspects in a relationship.

In her book Matting in Captivity, Esther Perel talks about creating an erotic space in order to create a space for eroticism to grow.

Tantric philosophy suggests that only when you create a space for something spontaneous can something spontaneous can occur.

Technology is a tool to help create spaces for positive things to occur in the relationship.

A Guide to Help you Utilize Technology in a Positive Way in a Relationship

Anyone who has had a long-distance relationship knows time and space can lead partners to become estranged. This is a pitfall of monogamy. We are needy creatures and with absences it makes it impossible for a relationship to sustain when no one is getting their needs. Met especially touch and sex.

Being able to find a way to be an intimate couple in any sort of way could mean the difference between feeling loved and heartbreak. Being able to be nude, vulnerable, sharing a warm gaze along with hearing their voice can be fulfilling. Using video chat as a means to be sexual can also provide the sexual connection vital for the health of a relationship.

Create an intimate space

For the couple who is struggling to be erotic, Esther Perel provides a great tech strategy to create eroticism. Create a separate space for erotic communication like separate, secret email accounts. One aspect that erodes eroticism is the blending of the non erotic in the erotic parts of our lives. Its hard to feel sexy when you are thinking about work, the household, or anything else that we deal with in everyday life.

When we are sexual, being mindful and being connected to the moment, your partner and your body works. Its hard to truly enjoy sex when you are thinking about the kids, work, and what ever else that is simply neither sexy nor erotic.

Finding a New Partner is the Best Use of Technology

Dating sites are a common place these days. Connecting people who normally would never meet is a highlight of technology. This is nothing new because online dating have been around since 2000, including:

  • JDate
  • Match
  • OkCupid
  • Eharmony

Today, online dating sites are more specific to certain groups:

  • JDate (Jewish)
  • Grinder(LBGT)
  • Farmers Only (agricultural lifestyle)

In fact, every group, whether it’s religious (Christian mingle and JDate), lifestyle (Famers only and, political ( and, or ethnic (Asian or Black People shows the diversity of sites and by sheer numbers everyone is doing it.

Once you Meet Online it Can Become a Great Place to Build a Relationship

When I met my wife, (we did not meet online) Facebook Messenger became our most used communication vehicle. We could talk all day long and still get stuff done. As a result, in what seemed like in an instant we became best friends.

As a tool in relationship building, technology can be the Swiss Army knife of dating tools. When you are dating and learning about each other, Facebook is like the ultimate dating profile providing a real idea of a person’s thoughts, friends, hobbies, and values. It provides pretty much everything a person needs to know to see if that person is a stud or a dud.

Technology Can Also Improve a Person’s Sex Life Directly

Sex toys have gone high tech. Today sex toys are made from modern, body safe materials and have become highly engendered. As for electronic technology, toys are becoming smarter.  We see toys that are controlled by an application on your smart phone allowing partners to connect even over a distance. Virtual reality is the next frontier. In Japan someone has invented a sex suit used with virtual reality.

Have more questions about your sex life and how to integrate high tech sex into your relationship? Contact us today.


David Fishman

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