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Technology and social media has connected people across the globe and even influenced global governments. For romantic partner’s, technology can be a double-edged sword, meaning there are both positive and negative aspects to the health of a relationship.

  • If it’s used in a way for a couple to learn
  • spice things up
  • connect during periods of separation
  • it can greatly enhance a relationship.

However, technology can also be the reason your relationship is failing and the root of conflict.

Facebook is a Relationship Gremlin

Let’s begin with Facebook and other forms of social media. Facebook is a relationship gremlin. At first Facebook can be great in developing a relationship like a furry, cute Mogwai. We can learn so much about a person by reading their profile and seeing their pictures.

Additionally, the instant messaging feature creates an easy way to get know someone without feeling intrusive. As the relationship matures, Facebook loses that value. Just like when you are feeding a Mogwai after midnight it turns into a horrible monster, Facebook feeds our jealousy, envy, and enhances any ill feelings towards your partner.

The good side of Facebook and social media is fantastic.

  • We can find out more about a person from their Facebook profile than a month of dating.
  • We can learn the entire basics of what a person is about like personality, interest, values, thoughts, and family just from the information on one’s profile.
  • It can be a great way to build a relationship by providing an easy safe form of instant communication.

My relationships all began to really develop over instant message in many ways. When we first started dating, my wife and I would talk on the phone and go on dates but chat online in between.

As the relationship matures Facebook turns into almost entirely destructive force, just like a gremlin.

  • We post a much sterilized version of our true selves online.
  • We do not usually display our dirty laundry for the world to see.
  • As we read these profiles we see happy people having the time of their lives.
  • When things are bad in your own world it’s natural to long for the things we think everyone else is enjoying, happiness.
  • If you are a person struggling with fertility, for example, seeing everyone reproducing like rabbits may cause a person to feel worse about themselves and their partner.

I know we all want to be happy for others but it’s only natural that other’s happiness can place a spotlight on our own unhappiness. Seeing people achieving what you want to achieve naturally drives up feelings of hopelessness in an unhappy situation.

Besides driving up the negative feelings of jealousy and envy; another destructive force that is occurring is the creation of a despondent view of one’s life and relationships. Sitting on the same couch with your partner does not necessarily mean you are sitting with your partner. Just like when you are at Starbucks chilling on the couch with two other strangers, you may be sitting on the couch but that does not mean you will try and connect with those people.

Imagine a romantic couple sitting on a three cushion couch. One person is sitting on the left cushion and the other on the right, the family pet is on the middle cushion. Each person has their head in a computer like device (phone, tablet, laptop …) surfing through social media.

The couple will end up saying basically nothing to each other and go to bed wondering why they feel so distant from their partner or why they have not had sex in weeks. The answer is simple; it is because rather than being together connecting through mindful touch, communication, and sex, both are focused on a screen.

Limit Social Media

Social media does not need to be a destructive force within your relationship. The key is limiting consumption of social media. Rules and boundaries in a relationship are vital to the health of a relationship, as long as the rules are fair and equitable.

My wife and I, for example set a rule – no computers, tablets, or smart phone use unless you are looking up an answer to a question we are discussing is allowed while we spend alone time in the evenings before bed.

Remove people who make you feel bad from your friend’s list like old romantic partners. After a big fight with your current partner, seeing the one who got away enjoy the best days of their life hurts no matter how much you try to say to yourself “good for them.” Keep in mind what you see is an illusion because a vast majority keep their dirty laundry hidden and do not plaster it on the internet. If Facebook leaves you feeling bad, find something else to do and stop torturing yourself!

Have more questions about your relationship? Contact us today.

davidafishman