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Long-term committed relationships whether the relationship is between many partners or a single partner allows for a level of safety to be open to explore their sexuality. Single people often either have no one to explore with or with partners that are new and level of safety to explore sexuality has yet to be achieved.

So what can a single do in order to explore ones sexuality? After all, sexuality is a major part of who we are not to mention all the mental health benefits. Research has shown that people who have satisfying healthy sex lives have happier relationships, health, and better self-esteem. So how can a single person gain the same benefits from sex as people in relationships? How can a single person learn what makes them feel good? The key is masturbation and changing the way we see masturbation.

We have a societal taboo about masturbation. Generally speaking our society still sees masturbation as this naughty skeleton in our closet. At the same time over 92 percent of men and 62 percent of women have admitted they have masturbated over the past year. That percentage equals 238 million people in the USA who masturbate.[††] Basically everyone is doing it, so why in this case do we need to feel like we shouldn’t. We also see masturbation as a substitute for the “real thing” but it has been reported as the number one most important sexual act for singles and number 2 for married people. We need an attitude adjustment about masturbation. We need to look at it as the real thing. We need to see it as making love to ourselves instead of means of getting off. We need to make this important sexual activity equal to the admiration we have for intercourse, oral, and other sexual acts. We need to make masturbation more fulfilling.

To make masturbation more fulfilling we first need to turn off the Internet porn. We are going to utilize the most important sex organ, the brain, for imagery. To begin with, budget enough time that the ideal sexual encounter would last, so the quickie in the shower is not going cut it. Set the mood, put on music, burn incents, or candles. We need to learn to treat our solo sex like we would with a partner because it will enhance the experience. It should encompass your full set of senses not just the rubbing of your genitals. We can learn a lot about our sexual pleasure here because we can learn what scents and sounds relax, excite, turn you on, and even arouse you.

Next make sure you have plenty of lube this goes for men and women gay or straight. Lube is important for women as to not rub your vulva or insert an unlubricated finger or toy into your vagina. Ouch! Guys stroking an unlubricated penis with a hand or toy can cause loss of sensation or injury. Remember don’t use silicon lubricants on your silicon toys because it may damage them. Water base lubes are best since they do not damage silicon toys.

Next you need to get relaxed by utilizing deep breathing. First stroke and rub your whole body not just the genitals. Think about it this way, we have sensual sex with other people. We need to it with ourselves. For starters it just feels good and you find areas of great pleasure you would other wise not know.

Remember masturbation is as much sex as any other form of sexual behavior. Just like with a partner slowing down and pleasuring the whole body and all the sense can make a solo sexual act as fulfilling as a partnered one. Hey, if you can have good sex with yourself because we know what we want, getting it from a first encounter with a new partner will be second nature.

[††] Kinsey Institute (2012). Frequently Asked Questions To The Kinsey Institute.

David Fishman

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