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Eye gazing is a powerful arrow in Cupid’s quiver. The power of looking, not staring into someone’s eyes is transcending. When a crush looks into your eyes and gives a flirty smile it can turn the worst of days into the greatest day ever. The connecting power eyes have, since they don’t lie, is that they are the window to the soul, and can melt the hardest of hearts.

This month’s exercise is all about harnessing that power to strengthen your relationships.

For partners at any stage of a relationship whether it is the first time you meet or been married 50 years, the effect is the same. Each time you do the exercise, the exercise helps like lifting weights.  The exercise can be done at any time as long as you have 5-10 minutes.

A great time is as part of a sexual experience because it can really amp up the experience. After penetration and in a sitting sexual position it can be a fun time to practice as well as hot!

What is eye gazing?

Eye gazing is intensely intimate and people can really struggle to feel comfortable looking into the eyes of another or have them look you in the eyes. People also struggle with this exercise because they harbor too many bad feelings about their partner and it is too painful to look at them. That’s ok!

This is a practice that should be done often and can be done more than once at a time. At first you may only be able to last a few seconds. However, if you try to stretch that time every time, eventually it will be easier for you to last minutes.

A note: eye gazing is not staring. Staring is a penetrative and forceful often not wanted act similar to a gaze but not same. A gaze is much more gentle, consensual, and loving. Eye gaze is pairs of eyes meeting and not forced because the other is just penetrating you with their eyes. Eye gaze is like massaging someone’s forearm; a stare is like “Indian burn”. One connects people, the other just creeps’ people out.

Eye Gaze Instructions

  1. You need to be in upright but comfortable position facing your partner
  2. Touch in some way like hold hands, sit with legs wrapped around each other, or intercourse
  3. Each person closes their eyes and takes 3 deep cleansing breaths
  4. Look into each other eyes and both take 3 deep belly breaths together
  5. Hold the gaze for as long as possible, all the while breathing normally and focusing on your partner
  6. A good length of time for an eye gaze is about 3-5 minutes
  7. End by taking 3 more deep cleansing breaths together

Tips for success

  • Break the gaze when you feel uncomfortable because the object is to make you feel good and connect not be overwhelmed.
  • Try doing it not during sex a few times because the intensity of sexual pleasure and the intimacy eye gazing can bring can be intense.
  • If your partner struggles do not take it personally because they are doing their best and this could be very hard for them. The more understanding you are to your partner’s struggles will enhance the experience and help them feel safer.
  • If doing it during intercourse, thrusting is perfectly ok but so is just sitting still while penetrated is ok, too. Try both ways they can be different experiences.


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David Fishman

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