It’s true that great sex happens spontaneously, but does not mean the sex needs to be spontaneous too. In other words any kind of sex can turn into great sex, even if it’s planned, because the spontaneous intangibles that turns a sex encounter from “meh” to “oh yea” happens during the sex. We are not in control of those things, they just happen, but what we can do is utilize our spirituality.
Spirituality and Sex
When I say “spirituality” it is not necessarily about religion, but rather the heightened sense of:
- consciousness
- presence
- fulfillment
- comfort
- and pleasure one experiences
We can create that experience in the bedroom and make sex a spiritual experience.
Tantra
Sacred sexuality is not necessarily tantric because Tantra is not a spiritual thing, but a philosophy of living one’s life in a spiritual way. However, sacred sexuality is a core principle of tantric practice because it causes us to transcend into the spiritual realm of consciousness.
An example of this is going to a religious building, which is a container that creates the space for a spontaneous experience. When people bring energy in the form of song and prayer, they bring a heightened connect to everyone in the that space because energy flows towards one’s emotions.
This is true even if you do not believe in the religion, but you know it’s a spiritual place.
We can recreate that spiritual experience with our partner/s when engaging in sacred practices like ritual.
This may seem to be a strange comparison as religion oppresses sexuality; however, it was not always that way.
Sacred sexuality has been around as long humans have.
We can bring it back and turn sex into spiritual experiences by funneling our energy into that moment and connecting with your partner in a new way. The key to great sex is to leave the world outside and be fully present in the moment.
The Recipe for Great Sex
- Create a temple– Begin by creating a temple to worship each other. Whether you’ve been married for 30 years, or just met your partner, treating the space you enter to have sex is sacred can make that space spiritual.
- Ritual– creating your own rituals before beginning also help to raise the consciousness and focuses the energy even more. A few ritual suggestions:
- Appreciations: take turns telling each other something you appreciate about your partner/s
- Tokens: bring an object with an emotional connection and describe why the object is so important to you
- Meditation: couples meditation is great way to get the juices flowing.
- Schedule it: setting a time each week for sacred sex is just planning to attend a religious service. We do this at the beginning of most relationships when we schedule dates, but long-term relationships can also create a plan for sex.
- Prepare: just like when you prepare to go out with a new lover go for “9’s”
- Get that sexy lingerie out, shower, groom, and do what ever you need to prepare yourself for that space.
- Light candles, burn incense, put on music, or whatever else to set the mood.
- Set out all that you will need like oils, lubes, condoms, and toys before you start.
- Don’t over do it: sacred sex can be alternated with quickies, or using toys. Consider it part of your sexual tool box, because if we do it too often, the effect wears off.
- Allow pleasure to heal: we are trained to provide for another’s pleasure, rather than accepting pleasure ourselves. But to truly connect with your partner, you must be open to giving and receiving pleasure. Once we accept the pleasure 100 percent, the pleasure becomes a powerful healing and therapeutic experience, so embrace every sensation and tingle.
- Be open: accept your partner’s desire, even if it’s something you would never do.
- Let it flow: allow the experience to take control and follow where it goes. Basically don’t hang on to firm plans during the experience because that limits the space for something spontaneous and wonderful to happen.
